There’s Always A National Day For Something
ON ANY GIVEN DAY, THERE’S A GIVEN DAY. Every blank space on the calendar comes with some sort of “National” or “Official” warning on the label.
Let’s take today, February 6th. There are an entire passel of observances for this 24-hour parenthesis. Among many high holy days of obligation, today marks National Pay A Compliment Day. It was started in 1995 by a Chicago writer, Adrienne Sioux Koopersmith. Ms. A.S.K. reportedly was riding a bus in the dead of winter and noticed that the driver pulled over at a non-designated stop to pick up a freezing commuter. Koopersmith was so moved, she complimented the bus driver, then went through all the rigamarole to establish it as an official American day of recognition.
Fine. A little kindness can go a long way. For instance, we had some local protests last weekend here in my hometown of SClarita, a bedroom community in sunny Southern California. The usual suspects who looked like they stepped out of a Gary Larson cartoon were at Valencia and McBean, brandishing signs demanding The Man release felonious miscreants from foreign lands and abolish ICE. As I rounded the corner, they screamed at me and held up posters. I think one said: “RAPISTS FROM PONGO PONGO HAVE FEELINGS, TOO!!”
In my own way, I celebrated Pay A Compliment Day a week early by smiling and wishing the Democrats with the 14-inch foreheads to go forward, like, off the curb and into traffic, and be fruitful and multiply, except without the benefit of a kind and loving sexual partner.
Locally? With a frozen yogurtorium every 23-feet in the SCV, we’ll need to say a couple of rosaries because across America, it’s also National Frozen Yogurt Day.
General Santa Ana (the guy who killed Davy Crockett?) after the Mexican American War, helped invent bubble gum here in the states. His wooden leg is on display at the Illinois State Military Museum…
Today’s National Bubble Gum Day. I still wince at the local angle on that one. Back when I was a kid in the 1950s, the manager of the restaurant in the old Solemint Store, collared two boys my age and no. I’m not insinuating I was one of them. He called their mothers to pick them up. Seems they were grossing out the diners by prying off hardened bubble gum from underneath the café seats and chewing the previously owned mucilage. Here’s a good one for you. Mexico’s General Santa Ana, on the wrong end of “Remember The Alamo” fame? He helped invent bubble gum around 1859.
In a seeming cross purpose, today is also National Working Naked Day AND National Wear Red Day.
One of my favorites? Today’s National Time To Talk Day. Specifically? It was created to raise awareness about mental health issues. I’m again reminded of Democrats with 18 inches of white around their pupils standing on street corners in Che Guevara T-shirts and screaming at passers-by. This holiday allows me to raise awareness about mental hygiene and point out: “Heavens. You’re bat shiatsu nuts, aren’t you?”
I don’t know how I feel about National Chopsticks Day (you’re standing smack dab in the middle of it as you read). The suspicious, conservative part of me feels this could be a lousy communist Chinese plot to overthrow America. But then, there’s sushi and that’s Japanese and they’re our ally.
For now.
Today’s Ronald Reagan Day. I adore the guy. But, I have no idea what to do with that except maybe shrug and maybe offer a poor impression of, “…well. There you go again…” then go about my business.
February 6th is National Woman’s Heart Day. I’m not sure who that one woman is who deserves an entire continent-size high holy day of observation. It’s either a typo or some whacky syntax fine print thing because I feel “Woman’s” should be in the plural. But, we’re supposed to be talking about how this one, mystery woman who probably weighs 468-pounds shouldn’t be eating a Quadruple Quarter-Pounder in one hand and a box of See’s in the other.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
Today’s also National Reclaim Social Media Day. Be nice on the internet!
Here’s a good one for the mutants who misuse the various online Letters To The Editor spaces. Until midnight tonight, it’s National Reclaim Social Media Day. That’s when you’re supposed to take the 24 hours and only post nice things on social media. Well LMAO, the “A” standing for, of course, “Asterisk.” It’s the one day of the year where people on Facebook aren’t supposed to post another person’s home address, bank card pin number or number of sexual partners your spouse enjoyed prior to saying, “I do” and “Amen boy howdy, I sure did like a gleeful weasel before I got stuck with you!!”
Same darn day as the above is National Valentine Shopping Reminder Day. I’m confident I’m speaking for all guys when I point out what bubbling 55-gallon metal cauldron filled with poisonous snakes and boiling oil we males would be in if we forgot Valentine’s Day and isn’t it nice to be reminded that we men have to pop $1,379.49 for chocolates, flowers and enough complex cheap plastic molecules and a billion tons of “I Wub You” cards coated in purple glitter to fill the Marriana Trench six times over?
I’m thinking about starting my own 1/365th parenthesis of remembrance. I hereby declare today, Friday, February 6th, as — National Buy 27 John Boston Books Day. You don’t have to like them. Heck. You can be illiterate. Use them to shore up the flood control channel next to your condo. Paint them dark brown and pass them off as Valentine’s chocolates for that relationship teetering on the rocks.
Just think of it as doing your part for National Pay A Compliment AND National Time To Talk days. I assure you. With 350 million people in the USA, each buying 27 books? Math’s never been my strong suit, but, I estimate that’s got to exceed $37,500.
You’d be doing wonders for my mental health…
